Him and Her

I miss you feast.
I really miss you.

It had of late become a routine. He would shut himself from his high profile, successful career and enter his barren home in the dark to lock himself in her memories. Every night it was the same but the memories were different and the tears were fresh. Some days it would seem pointless for him to continue existing without her. What was a life that wasn’t lived? He merely existed now, for her. With her he had lived. He will live again. He knew, he would have to, at least for her sake. He knew.

To the outside world, she was a nutty creature. To him, she was rock solid. That’s where his nickname for her-feast- had come from. She was his rock. He needn’t pretend in front of her. If he wanted to cry, he could. If he wanted to yell he could. He could do anything he wanted and yet be sure she would be there. So he thought. Then, one day things came into light and everything changed. She was his rock. How could it happen to her? Not once did it strike him how many people she supported without anyone being her rock. She had needed him to be her rock. He wasn’t there when she needed his support. Yet he never realised it when she was there with him. This realisation shattered him every night.

"Please God, Anything and everything I have is yours, one more time I want her in my arms please. Just one more time." His prayer every night after which he would go to his room, lock himself up and wrap himself with the warm memories of her; her cheerful warmth which never failed to pull up his mood after a sour day at work or her sound advice which made every problem seem petty. She was a mystery, a myriad of personalities. He wanted her back, he wanted to unravel the rest of the mystery. They say its impossible. Once gone was gone forever in their world. The very thought of them made his blood boil. This may not have happened had it not been for them. It had started with them. The way they took advantage of her. The way they emotionally blackmailed her, the way they had made her work their work, all in return for nothing. Whatever had happened, it was partly her fault as well. Her inner burning desire to be there for everyone, every time; to fix everyone's problems; to heal everyone's heart and body but never asking the same for herself. He often regretted not having stopped her, forcing her to take a break and reassuring that people can take care of themselves if she let them. Sometimes he felt guilty in revelling in her pampering the few times he fell sick. Maybe he was at fault at large as well. He could have changed what happened.

He will change it now.

He had resorted to counselling on the advice of a dear friend. He didn’t want to fall into the same trap as her. The sessions with his counsellor were revealing. It was there that his hurt and guilt sought release in ways he hadn’t known he was capable of. His counsellor had adviced him to pen down all his emotions and memories, however repetitive, however hurtful or joyous. Over the past year, he had relaxed a lot more. It may take time but it will be worth it. It will. He had grown a lot stronger and responsible. He knew he was ready. He was going to do it today, after a year of running away and crying.

He stepped up to his cupboard which was in a mess and smiled. It reminded him of her. She would bring all hell down if she saw the mess. If there was one thing she couldn’t stand, it was a mess. He opened his cupboard and picked up his dark blue jeans and light green shirt. He knew they were her favourite. Once he felt comfortable, he had breakfast. Nope, she wouldn’t like it if he hadn’t had breakfast. He can take care of himself. He was grown up now. He was a changed man but no less in love with her. The smile on his face was infectious as he greeted his best friend who had volunteered to come along. His friend, smiled back more out of relief. He had missed this best friend of his. The past year he had seen a different person altogether. He had offered to drive him over since he didn’t quite know how his friend was going to take it. The two of them climbed into his car and started heading towards the much awaited destination. He smiled. Soon they reached. They got down. He knew his friend was nervous and excited but he knew he shouldn’t come in between. He gave his friend a manly hug of encouragement and pushed him towards the door and walked back to the parking lot.

He was there now. His moment had finally actually arrived. His feast will soon be with him again, in his arms; never to leave again. She was his and he knew he had the responsibility and the courage to take her and be her rock; give her everything she had never asked for but everything she deserved and possibly more. He peeped through the window. There she was, staring out the window as if nothing was wrong at all. As she pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear, her look of innocence, peace and vulnerability shook him and he promised himself that he would do whatever it took to keep her in that state of bliss. He smiled and walked towards the doctor's room.

“Hello Doctor.” He said taking in a deep breath. He hadn’t seen the doctor in almost 8 months. He couldn’t, he would break down every time. He had resorted to merely calling and enquiring her welfare. He hadn’t informed the doctor of his visit.

“Oh. Hello! What a pleasant surprise? I was just going to her room now for a session. Want to come along?” the doctor asked pleasant naturedly.

“I would like to speak to you about a few things before that doctor. Would you have a few minutes to spare?” he asked his heart thumping hard. He was so close to it.

“Sure, please come in.” the doctor said opening his office door.

Once seated, he could take it no longer. He blurted out “I want to take her home doctor. Today. I'll bring her for regular sessions. I'll take care of her. I promise. I am not the coward I was this time last year. I want to take her back. I need her back doctor please.”

As soon as his emotional outburst was done, the doctor smiled and said “I've been waiting for this a long time now. She is fit enough to take home. Her therapy has worked wonders. I wouldn’t say she has completely recovered but she is close to normal. Your love and attention will bring her back to the one you know.” With each word of the doctor, his smile grew wider.

“Thank you doctor. Thank you so much.” he said with real gratitude flowing from his heart and bouncing almost off the seat. Finally. He had done it. He had done what he should have done a year ago. It may have taken him a year but he will make up for lost time he thought grinning ear to ear. He was going to take her home, treat her like a queen and gaurd her against them.He has lost her once, he will not lose her again.

“Go on, go get her” said the doctor after asking his assistant to take him to her room As the door closed, the doctor thought to himself that he had done the right thing by keeping him away from her. He had helped 2 people at one time. He had made the young boy he saw last year grow into a strong mature man who could and would do what is required as well as helped the young woman who stepped in at the verge of a breakdown walk out today a different woman. A series of events starting early teens stretching up to her father's death which she blamed herself for had let to her near breakdown. It had taken him a lot of effort to convince her that she wasn’t the reason for anything that happened. People had taken advantage of her goodness and her tight conscience which felt guilty pretty often. It had hurt her but she, as many other women, disguised the hurt well and went on being the shoulder everyone leant on. Slowly, he saw her blossom into a new woman who accepted herself to be a woman not a superwoman and today, he was as satisfied as he had ever felt in his career.

When they came in together hand in hand, he could see the glow on their faces and knew things would be getting better with these two and better it got.